Definition of Hypochondriac
Hypochondriac: A person who has hypochondriasis, a disorder characterized by a preoccupation with body functions and the interpretation of normal body sensations (such as sweating) or minor abnormalities (such as minor aches and pains) as portending problems of major medical moment. Reassurance by physicians and others only serves to increase the hypochondriac's persistent anxiety about their health.
Ok, we all know that a hypochondriac is continually worried about dying of a horrible disease. I would like to submit supportive evidence that I have this problem.
When I was younger, I was told that if my left arm ached and started to tingle that I was going to have a heart attack. Well, there have been several times throughout my life that I am pretty sure I had a heart attack because I have had these exact symptoms, however, it always seems to re-occur right after I am reminded of these symptoms.
A month or two ago I was told that my second cousin had a brain tumor. My Dad told me that the symptoms where uncontrolled twitching of your fingers and hands. I put this in the back of my mind after hearing of these symptoms and low and behold, just a few days later, my fingers felt like they were twitching. As I thought over what I had done over the last few days I tried to figure out what may have caused it because I really didn't want to have a brain tumor. I then realized that maybe it was just my hand reacting to pitching curve balls to my son the two night previous. Either that or I was a gonner.
Just this week I wasn't feeling very well. My stomach was turning and bubbling and I wasn't sure what was causing it. I thought back to what I had eaten over the last few days to try and pin it on something. Maybe I had food poisoning. Then, I read in the paper that the first case of West Nile Virus had been discovered. The symptoms are akin to having the flu. Well, that did it for me, I am sure I have West Nile Virus.
So, for future reference, if you know of a new frightening disease, please do not tell me about it nor tell me about the symptoms. I am very likely to come down with that very disease the very next day.